How To Stop Anxiety When Speaking A Foreign Language

Hi Donovan,

Thanks for sharing your insight on what we could face when we try to speck foreign language in the real world. I am originally from South Korea and I moved to Australia in my early 20’ and It’s been over 10 yrs now but I still find it pretty challenging to be who I really am due to getting caught up with getting things right all the time. My reflection on this is as I started to work in a professional environment straight away since I got in English-speaking country, getting wrong has never came to me as an optional part. Being right has been my primary goal due to the situation I was in.

However, I am aware of that this doesn’t really help me in terms of being authentic as I tend to decide not to share rather than getting wrong if this makes a sense to you. I could relate to your article and this will help me to focus on more meaningful value in my life such as focusing on connection rather than feeding my own ego which wants to be right all the time.

I can’t thank you enough for your every words and I know I wont be a different person all of the sudden but I want to remind myself when i feel like I go off track.

Cheers.

Hello Donnovan, I agree with you. In my experience as a teacher I have faced a lot of struggles with my students at the moment of oral performance. Today, I am writing a paper related with speaking and I will consider some of your ideas as sources on my research. Hugs from Ecuador.

In our experience, I’m not able to agree with some of your pointers, no. 5 in particular. You are American... it shows and ‘just go for it’ is about a million times harder to do than to say for those if us with different cultural norms to you. I’m not saying you’re wrong but some of this advice doesn’t translate... it isn’t this black and white.

For example, try speaking less than good French (not even perfect) to a French person living in Paris and see how you get on. We live in a place where locals do not tolerate a poor attempt at their language and revert to speaking English instead as they can’t bear to hear foreigners ‘mangle’ their beautiful tongue.

This doesn’t help us ‘not care about making mistakes’ and is a cause of the anxiety you describe very well.

What an advice ! It is to the point . It is the best article I have ever read since I started browsing for some advice which can help me avoid my anxiety problem. Thank you very much

But here is I have not understood yet :

I have a friend who speaks the same native language as I do . We both learned English at school . My English is better than his by far even during our conversation of each other . But during class presentation , even in front of some students , the case is different. He can perform much better than I do by delivering all he knows. Unlike him, I couldn’t deliver what I knew . I get blank and lost of words whenever I try to speak in front of some group . Is there anyone with similar experience who could overcome it, finally ?

Thank you all.

I know this is an old post, but I thought I’d comment anyway. I am a native English speaker, and I have this same problem. I get so nervous that forming basic sentences becomes difficult. I don’t just do this in front of crowds. I do it in front of individuals too. I know the language SO well, and I mess it up under pressure. I am terrified of what I will do with a language that I don’t know well. And I will never know any language as well as I know English.

Great post, I’m finding that I have similar challenges with German. I’ve been working very hard on my listening skills the past 6 months, and they have improved considerably. However when I was in Germany last month, I still had a hard time creating sentences in a timely manner when speaking to locals. I think I just have to force myself to speak more (and I’m not a big talker even in English). I’m going to commit to skype lessons and conversations this year and see if I can get some benefit from that. By the way, regarding your fear of flying I’d be happy to answer any concerns you might have. I’m an international airline pilot and I cross the Atlantic pretty much every week, and occasionally fly to Asia as well. Feel free to email me any time. Best of luck!

We live true immersion: moved to Israel 10 months ago. It’s extra hard to also learn a new alphabet, and one that generally leaves out vowels! I do try to talk to people and one of two things usually happens. 1. They answer in English (because they like to speak English or they are fluent, so it’s easier than watching me struggle!), or 2. They answer me in Hebrew so quickly and using so many words I don’t know, that I feel like an idiot for starting this! Depending on the type of interaction, I either keep speaking Hebrew or give up and go with the English. I feel guilty either way (eye roll at self).

Thank you for your article. I wish it was so easy to follow your advice. I am from Cuba, and I live in the US. I hate doing presentations at school, I get so nervous that my whole body shakes. I am currently applying for dental school and I can’t stop worrying about the interview. Every time I get a call from the schools I applied to, I even forget my address because of the anxiety I get. As you said, every time I fail, then for the next time I get even more nervous. I wish I could do something to alleviate this feeling. I literally cry every day.

This article is very helpful, because sometimes I think it’s just me that suffers with this kind of anxiety.
My Children attend a Gaelscoil, so the opportunity for me to practice my Irish is a daily occurrence. However, I found myself dropping the kids off and running before anyone had a chance to speak an Irish word of greeting to me. I was terrified of looking stupid and ridiculous.
The good news to this story is that I am self helping myself. I signed up to the conversational Irish Language in the mornings, and only last week I was opening conversing in Irish to a teacher. I’m trying to not worry if my sentence is wrong. If I don’t know how to say something, I’ll speak the parts I don’t know in English. It’s still tough though and something that I don’t want to overthink too much.

I found this article very interesting. You make a fair point- if someone is lacking sociability, why bother to learn to speak? I arguably lack sociability, but I daresay it’s due more to the lasting consequences of how severe my social anxiety has become (which is a vicious cycle). At heart, I really do want to socialize, but it’s always such a very very miserable experience, I have grown increasingly averse to it.

I only started learning Arabic about a month ago. Some years back I heard about Benny Lewis’ Fluent in 3 Months program, and decided to try it with my Arabic. At the core of what he teaches is, as you say, to get out and speak, and do it right away, and as much as possible. Action over perfection. This is something I never would have considered doing just a year ago, but I’ve begun an interesting new path in my life recently where I also have been hearing a lot about “action over perfection” (and coincidentally is what led me to my fascination with Arabic) so I decided I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I suppose by the standards of Fluent in 3 Months, I failed. I have a tutor, yes. I even found a fantastic language exchange partner from italki, and we talk every day. But my first conversation, I could barely bring myself to say anything. I thought well, it will take time to build up my confidence, but despite a week of speaking everyday with an incredibly encouraging and inspiring exchange partner whom I am very comfortable talking to, we still speak mostly in English and every time I go to try to say something in Arabic my mouth goes bone dry, my heart drops to my stomach, I start shaking, and I’m lucky to utter a word. There’s nothing at stake. My partner is not going to think badly of me at all. It left me frequently thinking, why am I bothering to do this? If I can barely even speak in the safety of my own home, over an audio call on Skype with someone who ENCOURAGES me to speak and WANTS me to make mistakes, I have no hope of being able to converse freely with natives if I were able to visit Egypt.

I think asking yourself, as you said, “Why am I bothering to try to learn to speak?” is an important question. It can lead to valuable insights into your motivation to learn, your views of life, and who you really are as a person. In my case, I have come to realize that I am willing to accept the fact that I likely will never be comfortable talking to people in Arabic (I’m barely comfortable talking to people in English), but even so just TRYING (and failing) is enriching my life and giving me amazing new experiences, opportunities, and insights about our world. My fear will likely always be there, but even so I greatly look forward to my conversations with my language exchange partner. Even if I never end up speaking fluent Arabic, simply trying is improving me as a person. This in turn helps me to be less hard on myself over a perceived “failure”, which in turn makes me slightly more comfortable. For instance, I don’t really feel as though I “failed” the Fluent in 3 Months training, I feel it’s just going to take me a lot longer. Does this mean I’ll ever be able to work up the courage to speak to someone in person? Honestly, I don’t know, and I’m starting to be ok with that.

But that’s just me. Everyone is different. I guess what I’m trying to say with my ramblings, is that you’re spot on - I think asking yourself these questions and being honest with yourself will allow you to make better decisions about what paths to pursue, and make your journey more enjoyable.

Eden, two things I’ll add that might help you:

1. Egypt is one of those places that forces you out of lack of sociability. Even if you aren’t sociable and it’s a struggle, Egypt will change that believe me. People are amazing there and you’ll find yourself making friends left, right and center who will love talking to you (it can get exhausting though!). The culture there really brings people out of their shell.

2. During your lessons, try not to think about the language and instead focus on the person you’re talking to and getting to know them. I find that when language becomes secondary to me wanting to befriend the other person and learn more about them, it changes everything.

I know in Asia, while trying to learn Thai in Thailand, or Cebuano in the Philippines, the natives were thrilled to see an “Americano” trying to learn their language. Despite my obvious struggles, they constantly hounded me trying to get me to practice with them. If someone is worried about trying to speak a new language in front of natives, just put yourself in the position of the native as you watch someone struggle to speak your language. Are you going to think negatively of that person? Probably not.

Hi,
This article is an eye opener. I am working in a office with a society which I think I don’t belong because I came a long way to get there. So even though no one is judging me for my past every time I speak English these feelings affects me. English is a language only used in these kind of society in my country. I was struggling and now I feel better after reading this knowing that I can overcome this issue.
Thanks.

This makes me sad. I am a native English speaker, and anytime I hear someone working hard to speak English, especially if they seem nervous or are struggling, I am going to give them some extra encouragement. Thanks for sharing this, it will help me be more kind.

I can TOTALLY relate, including the part about a fear of flying. I also consider both “non-negotiable”. I am simply going to do it, and both flying and speaking foreign languages have gotten easier and easier over the years. I have also learned to fake a kind of confidence so the other person is not tempted to switch to English. This is an important thing to mention: if you appear nervous, the listener is going to want to spare you the anxiety and will switch to English and you will miss out on speaking opportunities. I’ve learned how to appear cool as a cucumber even if my knee caps are shaking.

So people with social anxiety or who have anti-social issues shouldn’t bother to learn a language? Not everyone who learns languages wants to talk. Plenty of introverts or anti-social people want to read or enjoy film etc. Jerk

To quote the article, “If you fall into this category [of being anti-social] then my question is: why bother learning to speak a foreign language at all?”

Note that he said specifically “learning to SPEAK a foreign language”. Also note that earlier in the article, he makes a distinction between listening, reading, writing, and SPEAKING.

It’s a fair statement that lots of anti-social people learn languages in order to read or enjoy film, and that is fine and good. However, those activities do not require speaking. Donovan’s point seems to me to be about those who try to learn to speak the language, but lack the social inclination required to practice the skill of speech. Those people should indeed question what their motivation to learn to speak a foreign language is, considering that they would rather not converse with others.

Great article! I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and you have articulated it perfectly! I tend to mess up quite a lot in English (my mother tongue) when talking to people I’m not very familiar with, and I think sometimes that’s because I’m constantly trying to navigate a fine balance between politeness and friendliness. I end up so disappointed in myself when I do the same in Italian - different standards which don’t make sense!

Interesting point about people laughing at you - I did actually have some people laugh at me when I lived in Italy for a year, or I would have people patronisingly saying ‘it’s ok, I speak English’. I think this did get in the way of me improving quicker and I still think about it to this day! However, it tended to be schoolkids or uni students, so I probably shouldn’t dwell on it too much! For that reason, I am always careful to be really encouraging and complimentary, especially with beginners.

I really recommended this article for each person who want to increase speaking skill

Another good post!

Shekhtman’s little book “How to Improve Your Foreign Language Immediately” would seem to fit nicely with some of the themes you’ve presented.

“In general one must murder a language before mastering it, and part of the murdering process must begin at once” Eugene A. Nida

Do you still lift?

I hadn’t heard of that book before. I’ll have a look.

And yep, still training as often as I can.

This article is right on target for me. I work on vocabulary, I read, I practice listening but the only way I improve my speaking is to speak.
I’m beginning to think that the mental pathways for speaking seem to be different than reading, writing or listening. For example, this morning I said mantenar when the word in my mind was mantener. My speaking patterns mouthed mantenar, I wasn’t even aware of it. The listener pointed it out to me.
Your advice and the tone of the article are perfect for me. I struggle with performance anxiety, wanting to be perfect etc. I’m pretty old (72) to be learning a language, it’s a slow process. I beat myself up for not remembering a word or making a grammatical error, and I constantly have to remind myself that even though it is slow I am improving.
Speaking is particularly difficult and even now I’m reluctant to speak outside of a learning or practice situation. I know I’m capable of communicating and reasonable able to understand when people talk to me but I don’t like sounding incompetent.
Thanks for a great article.

Thanks for your feedback, Bill.

Don’t ever beat yourself up. At 72, you’re an inspiration!

Bill Holt,

According to research I’ve read, you’re not so off track with your idea of mental pathways and developing the speaking skill, which is often the last one to fully develop--after reading, writing, listening. It has to do with the development and expansion of the Broca complex (or more like a second BC) , the speech area of the brain, which can only occur with practice speaking the foreign language.

Hi Donovan, a great article you have written here.
Just what we needed in my opinion.
Practice makes perfect I suppose. Speaking causally
to someone at a food outlet would’nt cause me
any problem I don’t think. In a more formal setting
I could be overwhelmed and then draw a blank
as they say in linguistic circles.
Anyway Donovan,thanks a lot for this article
much appreciated.
Just one more thing, I was wondering why you
have this great passion for Arabic over other
languages. Just wondering.
All the best regards,
Patrick

Hi Patrick. Thanks a lot. :)

A few deep, personal reasons why I love the Arab world so much.

In some ways I can’t explain it. A lot of it has to do with my faith honestly.

I’ll share more about it soon.